Confession

24 August 2012

So, sorry i didn't post some story for a few days.
because, i received so many homework and exams from my new school.
and, beside that, my mom didn't allow me to use a computer because i was on a terrible sick until now.
at first, nosebleed which can't stop because my blood vessel in my nose was broke, so i can't get tired and face the sunlight when its afternoon and doctors give me some medicine which he put it in my nose and its hurt so so bad.
second, fever, vomit, stomachache, headache and diarrhea become one group on my body so, its killing me from outside because i was suffering from this illness.

every punishment didn't stop until my sickness, but God punish me through my parents too, they fight with eachother, almost everyday, and it make me tired for living under them.
even you're not fight too, but you can feel the depression and sickness and darkness while your parents fighting, for a few time, i want to leave my house and don't come back, because i don't know what to do with this kind of family.
i mean, they don't solve it with calm and an answer always finished with fight and all the word that make me sick.

i thankful i have God, who actually still there to hold my hands, to make me strong, i know this isn't a test for me, but its a punishment from God to me.

I don't know he's mad or not, but, for a few weeks, i realized that i getting far of my relationship with God. So, i think, why God still wait for me when i almost forget him, what am i? why am i so important for him? and sometimes when i'm really sick, i feel like, God is almost give up on me.
From now, i take a lesson, God give you a punishment not to make you feels sad or disappointed at God, but, for me, a punishment from God just like he's saying "i miss you, please turn around and meet me, i will very welcome at you, my son"

i miss talking with God, i don't know where to start, i'm clueless, God please help me, without you i'm zero and nothing.
i want to be a bestfriend with Someone WHO DIED FOR PEOPLE JUST TO ERASE THEIR SINS. its Him, My Savior, Jesus Christ.